Writing, Dance and Self-Respect: NOT mutually exclusive
Well I wasn’t really expecting for the comments that I got about my dancing on the side to be so, well … one sided. I guess I thought you might take my side on this, but boy when I’m wrong, I’m wrong.
But I would like to thank LurkerLezzie for her supportive comment. Like I keep telling my gf, when you’re a dancer and you’re raised up in a studio, being that physical with strangers really doesn’t mean anything. It’s just dancing. But people who aren’t used to it misunderstand and worry a lot more then they should.
When I taught ballroom dance, my male students were constantly getting their feelings for me confused because they mistook my physical contact with them as a dance teacher to mean something more. Because in the outside world, men and women don’t usually touch that much unless there’s some sort of intimacy between the two. So I can see how my gf would feel threatened or worried about my dancing in revealing costumes.
But now I really have to address a few commenters, one in particular, Donna. She wrote, “Forget the girlfriend for a moment–Isn’t this potentially damaging for your sense of self-worth? No self-respecting writer ever made a side living as a burlesque dancer. None. What kind of company do you want to keep? How do you want to view yourself?
(And P.S., there are PLENTY of drop-dead gorgeous female writers out there that don’t try to profit off their bodies. Oodles and oodles of them that–I’m sure–could have been or could currently be models\strippers\whatevers if they chose to go that route.)”
OK, now I pride myself on being able to take criticism and brutal honesty on my blog pretty damn well. But this one hurt. This is exactly the mindset that infuriates dancers like myself and others, I’m sure, that have spent a life time in a dance studio working on their art. Yep, I said it. ART.
Dance is an art, whether or not it’s ballet, African dance, hip-hop or even burlesque. Personally my self-worth is absolutely fine when I perform. I know that I have an education, a strong character and that I’m more then a piece of meat. If some of the people that see me dance are too ignorant to realize that a woman is more then her body, then that’s their problem. As for not using my brain, as a few other comments insinuated, I disagree. I think that being able to make the same amount of money in a weekend of performing as I would working a 40 hour week at a job I hated is pretty smart. This allows me the time to write and enjoy my life. Not to mention that I love dance. It was my whole life until a few things were thrown into my path to divert me from it for a while. But I’m lucky enough to get to do it again. If only for a little while.
So thanks for the concern but my self-respect is fully in tact. I love the fact that I can entertain people, have fun and pay all my bills while still being able to dedicate my days to writing, working on my house and taking care of my family (i.e., parents).
But for the record, I’ve decided with my gf NOT to perform burlesque. We’ve come to a compromise and decided that belly dancing is fine and dandy. So there. To be honest I don’t think she’s totally OK with this either. But she had to admit that she knew I was a dancer when she met me. She’s even admitted to me before that the fact that I was a belly dancer was extremely attractive to her. So she knows that she can’t ask me to give up something that I already was before she came into my life. However since burlesque has come into the picture since I’ve been with her, she put her foot down on that. Which I’m not really satisfied with, but we’ll see how that goes.
So here’s one more question. Since most of you thought burlesque was such a No-No, do you see belly dancing in the same light? Or is it better some how since the costume stays on?
Would you do it? Would you let your girlfriend do it? When you see a belly dancer, do you automatically think, “Whore?”
I want to know. Please.
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I think that belly dancing is totally different from burlesque. Burlesque is basically stripping. Belly dancing is more of an art. But I still wouldnt want my gf belly dancing for a bunch of people. That would make me very insecure.
I love belly dance and do it myself. I find it sexy as hell (( mmm shakira )) so I would still not want my girlfriend to do it unless in a dance company or something. Just to go out to private events and belly dance would make me wiggy. I know what the sight of a woman belly dancing does to ME and that is all the reminder I need to know how others would be looking at my honey. As a whole though, yes it is better than the burlesque dancing but I would still vote not for private events.
I still would say a big fat HELL NO if my girl wanted to belly dance. Let’s just take a good look at this, with all your “But I’m a trained dancer” bullshit. I believe you that you’re a trained dancer. That’s not the point. The point is a) you will be scantily clad in costumes designed to make you look sexy as hell and voluptuous. 2)I saw your pics and that’s not going to be hard to do. You could wear a paper bag and if I was your gf I’d still want to put your ass on lock down. 3) Then you’ll be shaking and shimmying your ass and your tits in the faces of people who will be trying to put money down your costume. But wait, where does your costume hit???? Ummmm yea exactly! So people, no STRANGERS, better yet, LESBIANS will be trying to stuff money down your bra and panties. ABSOLUTELY NOT. If Remi is truley OK with this then either she’s naive as hell or she doens’t really care about you. Whcih one is it? Maybe that can be your next blog. LOL. Good luck to you and your relationship.
Only one question: Is that you?? My god woman, dance. If your girlfriend can’t be supportive of it, there’s plenty of men that will be. I’ll be the first to stand in that line.
I just sent you an add request on your myspace page. PLEASE ADD ME.
I say go ahead if you have a stun gun and mace and aren’t afraid of getting attacked on your way back to your car after a party. I think it’s a really dangerous thing to be “belly dancer” if I was your gf I would insist on going with you to every gig and being your bodygaurd. But thats just me. If you were MY gf, you wouldn’t even be considering this.
I have to come to Sasha’s defense here. I hired her to dance for my friend’s birthday party. It was really short notice and she was even nice enough to wear the outfit we wanted her to wear because we wanted her to look like our friend’s “ideal woman”. It worked. But that’s another story. I jsut wanted to say that Sasha is a lovely dancer. She wasn’t vulgar or stripper like at all. She was extremely sexy but in a very classy way. It wasn’t like what I was expecting from a burlesque dancer, but it was better. She didn’t take off all her clothes either. She did take off parts of her costume but left enough on to leave some to the imagination. She handled herself in a very professional manner and all the coupled up lesbians were very pleased with her that she didn’t cross the line at any time, if you know what I mean. I would hire her again in a second. She was worth every penny. And by the way, she’s not cheap!! LOL …. but so worth it.
I think belly dancing IS an art. But would I want or LET my gf do it in public? mmmmmm …. let me think about that. NO!!!
Why you ask? Because it’s asking for trouble. If you dance for men, it’s not safe. I don’t care if you have mace or a cell phone to call 911. Shit happens and when it does it usually happens when you let your guard down for a split second. I would be worried that you’d get raped or kidnapped or something. Sorry if that’s all overdramatic, but it;s true.
Then if you’re dancing for lesbians that’s WORSE. WAY WAY WORSE. Im pretty confident in myself. But I still wouldn’t want my gf all dolled up and half naked dancing for a room full of power lesbians who will wnat her for their own. FUCK THAT. pardon my French. But really? How in the world can Remi be ok with that? Does she always want to be challenged or is she that secure with you? Either way, it’s palying with fire.
I guess it just comes down to what’s more important to you. Your career or your relationship.
I want to ask Remi a question. Do you really trust Sasha enough to let her go off and dance in front of every lesbian in Southern California? I mean really. It’s a tight ass little community. If she’s any good and from a few comments left, it seems like she is, she could get very popular among among the lesbian community. Do you really feel that secure about you and her that you don’t mind putting her on display for the rest of the world to get their rocks off? Wow. I couldn’t do it.
I’m curious what your gf REALLY thinks about you bellydancing? Did she say you could belly dance just to get you not to burlesque dance? I agree with the other comment that called her naive. I can’t blame her for wanting to trust you and work this out with you and not sound like a neanderthal, but there comes a time when you just have to stand up for yourself or in this case, your relationship. Good luck to Remi on this one. I think she’s in a tight spot. Not to sound like a jerk but who pays for shit when you guys go out? Are you maybe dancing again to finance your guys’s Friday nights? Because if you are, I’m sure she’d understand if you two spend some time at home. I know money can be a touchy subject but I was just wondering if that played into it at all???
I bet Sasha NEVER pays. She’s too femme and isn’t Remi a Marine?? Um yea. I’ll bet you Remi pays for shit. A Marine letting or making a femme pay? Never gonna happen unless they’re a real piece of work and it doesn’t sound like she is.
BTW lovin the photo Miss Sasha. How much do you charge for a private dance? I’m here in Long Beach I believe that’s local for you. How does someone go about booking you?
I think you’re beautiful. If you ever break up with Remi can I take you out? Other then that bit of sleazy behavior (sorry Remi) how much do you charge? I would love to see you dance in person. Are you on YouTube?
I have a issue with the question “would you LET your girlfriend do it” or people stating that they wouldn’t allow their girlfriend to dance. Since when does anybody own somebody else? As adults we can make our own decisions about our life, body, how we earn money etc. Relationships should be founded on mutual respect and trust. I am aware that some would see this dancing as being disrespectful but I think deciding what your partner can or cannot do is even more disrespectful.
I belly dance. I love to belly dance, I can also swing, do some ballroom, square dance, some tap, and I would lobe to leard burlesque. My Honey knows that I belly dance and that I enjoy it. She is also secure in the knowelege that I will only ever possably think of leaving her for two things. One a Tucker Torpeds and Two a 1969 Dodge Challenger in Poppie. She knows that I love her and I know that she loves me and she wouldl support me in what I do.
She might not agree, she might not like it but she knows that I would enjoy it and so support me.
You mentioned the mindset that infuriates dancers like yourself based on a comment by Donna. I have accepted that others will not like my art style(painting) which can be a bit intense and even gory. They wont understand or try to. I think the same can be said with dancing. It is an art that takes time to become great at. Unfortunately there is many that will see it as purely sexual. Now I do think its very sexy but some people seem to forget boundaries and limitations when anything sexy/sexual is involved. This is where my fear of a gf dancing would begin. I would be fine with more public venues where there is security. Private dancing not so much…and not just because of the potential attacks if you catch my drift.
Hiya! I commented on the other topic about you dancing.. The only worry I have about your dancing… is your safety. I was born into dancing and began it at a very early age as well. You are a very striking woman Sasha.. This is a messed up world.. Please… please be careful
I skimmed the part where you said you were a dance instructor and have a degree in Dance. It’s wonderful that you grew up in a dance studio and you absolutely should share your dance talent with the world as it is such a joy to watch dancers.
(By the way, I see posts all the time on craigslist for part-time dance instructors–ballet, ballroom, hip-hop, etc.)
Sorry for misreading (lazily skimming) your post!
Thank you Donna for your latest comment. I appreciate it 🙂
I saw Sasha perform at Marg’s house and I thought she was really good. She is one sexy ass mami. I would hire her anytime but I don’t think she dances for men. But if she decided to, she could make a fortune.
I have to say is that my mother and father used to take me out to eat and watch belly dancers when I was 5, or before I can remember. As a child I thought the women were amazingly talented, it is a performance like any dance is. It is a cultural dance, say like salsa dancing…is that also a bad thing to do because you shake your hips? They teach belly dancing as a course in college’s just as they do ballet, salsa etc. Yes I do see how doing private shows are potentially dangerous but everything is dangerous…go to an atm at 4am in a bad neighborhood = dangerous. Just use good judgement and you will be safe. I also think burlesque is an art of dance as well. If people would look up the origin of it they would see it is closer to performance art, less like stripping. I also would go on a limb here and say if you are anything like the libra’s I know (myself included) we appreciate some attention. With Remi unable to give you all the attention that you would like at the moment, her understanding that you get that from dancing would be smart because it will actually let you feel adored or admired without getting into a situation that you want to cheat. I don’t know if that makes sense to you. Let me know if you want more clarification or identify with what I think about that. I think she should be secure with you and your relationship and feelings you have for each other and “LET” you do what will make you happy. But are you dancing again just for money or because you love doing it? I agree with someone who posted about dance instructing, if you like doing that. Just do what will make you feel good about yourself and your life.
Hi again, Sasha –
I seriously doubt that I need to re-state my position to clarify that I was talking about ALL forms of dance. Burlesque is, in my experience, an incredibly challenging art form, no more or less than belly dancing, ballet, modern, tap, softshoe, or ballroom. Lucky you to be able to choose among options for making extra money.
But I’m going to pipe up my two cents’ worth again, and disagree vehemently that there is anything implicitly sordid about accepting private performance commissions. That is the absolute equivalent of saying that a painter is a whore for accepting a portrait commission. Hell with that, all due respect. A good artist does what they have to do to pay the bills AND be able to keep pursuing their art.
If dancing pays for writing for you, so be it. This topic has touched an interesting nerve for me. Educating others about the power and validity of dance as an art form… something I’ve been trying to do most of my life.
LurkerLezzie …… I’m starting to love you!! LOL … thank you for being so well spoken in defense of our art and it’s validity. I appreciate it.
My, my , there a lot of insecure lesbians out there. I would do it. I would let my girlfriend do it. I do not own her, I am not her property. And I thought lesbians were supposed to be free of this “whore” and “slut” garbage. Heterosexual men have that covered, we don’t need to contribute to it! If you love it, then do it, no permission needed.
Honestly I would love it if my GF was a dancer cause i know everyone is thinking “Damn I wish I could take her home” or “Damn the person who gets to take her home is a lucky bastard” and I would just get to smile and know that she is coming home to me and my bed. I almost dated a stripper (I say almost because she is bi curious and my best friend.) and would go up to the club she worked at. It didn’t bother me seeing her strip because I knew it was a job to her she didn’t feel anything for the people she danced for she just enjoyed dancing and making money while doing it. I think if you are confident in yourself and your relationship it really shouldn’t bother you.
P.S. I am new to your blog and I am in love with it lol I get off work at about 1 am and I started reading some of your posts while laying in bed (my gf is a heavy sleeper) I couldn’t help giggling and ended up waking her up soooo… I had to make nice lol she says thanks lol Keep up the amazing writing
I’ve seen you naked and I’ve seen you dance on stage. Gotta say I miss you right now. Maybe it’s all the vodka. Hard day at work, sorry I maybe shpuldnt be reading commenting on your blog drunk. Call me. Come down. I’ll come and get you.
Do you do private parties? Cuz my birthday’s coming up and I deserve something special. I’m dead serious. It’s at the end of this month. I’ll pay whatever it takes to have you perform at my party. You can even bring your gf as your bodyguard if that makes her feel better.
Bellydance brought about Burlesque, stripping derived from Burlesque. There would not be strippers today that grind on a pole if it werent for the follies and the burlesquers wouldnt be here if it werent for the bellydancers…Thank you Little Egypt. People are so nearsighted when it comes to the arts. Burlesque dancers are not strippers; WE ARE ENTERTAINERS INVOLVED IN THE PERFORMING ARTS. We do not expect tips, we do not grind on a pole nor anyones laps….we may take our elaborate clothing off but it is in a teasing and tasteful manner…..not sexual and not to rob you for your money. I believe that we were all put here for a reason and you are a talented entertainer, do what fills your heart with the most joy! I am proud to be a Burlesque performer I am supported by my family my spouse and his family, I have never been happier in my life. People need to stop being so insecure of themselves…..maybe they need to let loose once and feel the excitment that explodes when the lights are on you and everyone is cheering and happy. I wish you all the best of luck.
I would work your GF into a routine 🙂 I think that would be super cute…then you can share the experience together! It’s so grand.
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