When Single Really Means SINGLE … within the Lesbian Lexicon

I don’t know if this is a lesbian thing or not? Maybe it’s a lesser version of the U-haul syndrome but whatever it is, we need to find a cure.

When you go out on a date with a girl, you are not automatically “dating”. Likewise, when you are “dating” someone, you are not automatically “together” or “exclusive” or “girlfriends.”

The term “dating” implies that you are getting to know someone that may or may not later become an exclusive relationship. However at this early stage you are both still single.

Single means that you are indeed free to “date” other people and not get called a cheater, a liar or a tramp by either the first girl you went out on a date with or the last.

Let me explain this to those of you who only speak Lesbian and normal English is your second language.

When you tell a girl that you are not ready for a “relationship but you want to date her” what she hears is this, “You are free to date other women, kiss other women and do whatever you want with other women and not feel guilty because I don’t like you enough to make you my girlfriend.”

When she tells you that she “doesn’t want a commitment either” what she’s really saying is, “Whew! Thank goodness because I have a hot date later tonight and two more on the weekend.” Or she’s butt hurt and trying to convince both herself and you that she doesn’t want one either by throwing herself into the arms of the next girl she sees. So don’t get mad when either or both happens, you asked for it.

However something odd happens when two women are “dating.” No matter how many times both parties declare their need for independence and their mutual fear of commitment, the more time they spend together the more feelings get wrapped up in the mix.

Inevitably someone feels as if they have some sort of right to get hurt when the other one does exactly what she was told to do …. go out with other women and not get too emotionally attached to said commitment phobic lesbian.

Then you’re left walking this tightrope of what’s being said and what she really means. Trying to decipher the hidden meanings in her silence and reading between the lines should require some sort of PhD in linguistics or foreign languages.

Unfortunately, as of right now, no such formal education exists, though a girl can hope. So we’re stuck, squinting and trying to translate the squiggly communication we think we see hidden under the subtext. Often times we’re both wrong which leads to more misunderstandings and even more unneeded dyke drama.

But let me reiterate a simple yet sometimes thorny concept here: When you tell the girl that you are “dating” that you are still single …. by default that means she is also single. So no complaining when she plays by the same rules you do. Single means SINGLE until you both agree to change your myspace relationship status.

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