What is Lesbian Sex? Exactly?
This might seem like an obvious answer to some of you but I think it’s a complicated answer once you really start asking people what they think constitutes “lesbian sex”?
I’ll be honest, I’ve had this conversation with straight friends and gay friends and lesbian friends. Shockingly the answers were all over the place. So not so simple after all.
First of all the most confused, were always my straight friends. Especially the girls. Why you might ask, would heteronormative cis women be more confused about lesbian sex than my straight dude friends? Well, that answer seemed mostly to be about the fact that my straight girlfriends did NOT want to call oral sex, SEX, because that would DRASTICALLY increase their number. By number, I’m talking the number of people you’ve had sex with.
I noticed every straight girl I ever had this conversation with would say something like, “OMG A blowjob’s not sex!!!!! And neither is using your hands!!!”
To which I would respond, “Than lesbians never have sex?”
Insert blank stare from straight girl, that slowly turns to confusion and then horror as she realizes her numbers are WAY WAY OFF.
I could continue but any further real life examples might start to sound like I’m slut shaming my friends. But I’m not, I’m simply pointing out inconsistencies in defining sex.
In my experience men, both straight and gay were more on board with my definition of sex and I think that was for the exact opposite reason that straight girls weren’t. They were all good with their numbers being higher, so they were okay with a broader definition of sex. That probably says more about society’s pressure on women to stay virginal (don’t even get me started on the myth of virginity, or I will in a future blog) while we encourage men to sleep with as many women as possible as a way to prove their masculinity. But that’s within the heteronormative narrative right? It doesn’t cross over into the LGBTQ. Or does it?
Well let’s get back to what exactly defines lesbian sex? I’ve come up with a pretty simple definition after many many years in the field:
Lesbian sex is any sexual act that either involves penetration and or the potential for an orgasm by one or both partners. It can be from one partner to another or mutual.
So yes, oral sex is sex. Hand jobs? Because I refuse to right the F word, no not fuck …. The one you have ten of …. Just because I always think it sounds so high school pervy. But hand jobs? Ugh …you know what I mean … using your hands to get your partner excited ….. yep. Sex.
Using toys? Definitely sex.
Using other positions that require stretching before hand and regular yoga classes? A hundred precent! Sex.
Now I can hear straight people arguing with this, because to some of them, this is something called foreplay … leading to sex. But again, I say this is really their conservative religious upbringings making them create narrow minded definitions so that they can have anal sex and still say they’re a virgin for the Lord. Just saying.
Quick recap: Lesbian sex is like a buffet. You can pick one or two of your favorite desserts or you can eat everything in sight. Either way, you’re still getting satisfied.
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