Unconfirmed Lesbian Sightings
You know what I’m talking about. You’re out shopping at Trader Joe’s and the cute, tomboyish checkout girl is dinging your gaydar. You smile, you flirt a little and then you stop yourself. “Oh crap.” You think to yourself, “I think she’s straight!”
You’re double guessing yourself now because she giggled in a really femme, straight-girl kind of way that said you may be making her uncomfortable and she’s so straight she’s not sure if you’re hitting on her either. Then you look around only to confirm your fear, all the other girls that work here are also wearing very dykey outfits. Complete with knife sheath hanging off their belt loop. While Trader Joe girls always set off my gaydar, it’s highly improbable that it’s their hiring policy to ONLY hire lesbians. Which again means, that cute little lesbian bagging groceries probably isn’t a lesbian at all. Booooo. 🙁
Trader Joe’s isn’t the only place this happens. It can happen anywhere, anytime, when you least expect it. Straight chicks that look very very gay. I guess it’s the female version of metrosexuals. And like frustrated gay boys that are tired of hitting on straight men in pink. I can feel the pain of my single lesbian sisters.
Remi and I have a game we play every time we go out. “Lesbian or German tourist?” It got very tricky one night when we actually ran into two German tourists that were probably lesbians.
But seriously, how do you single girls deal with all the fake bait? I mean there’s a ton of straight girls running around with funky hair cuts and tatts. That used to be my confirmation that a girl was on our team. But now my smile slowly fades as I see her husband and kids come up behind her in the store. Or watch her kiss her equally tatted up man in a club. What is this world coming too when you can’t tell a person’s sexual orientation just by looking at them???!!!! (Heehee 😉 Please insert major sarcasm with that last comment. Especially coming from a lipstick femme like me that has yet to get inked.)
How do you handle unconfirmed lesbian sightings?
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Haha I just blogged about this last night. Straight office butches are my gaydar kryptonite. As I was logging in to this site on my phone I just passed one–did she just check out my titts? Okay, maybe she wasn’t straight…
What’s a single girl to do? I tend to take your approach and assume anyone I’m interested in could possibly be gay. Then I flirt very, very carefully. Or if I’m not interested–just curious–I watch for explicit cues or coded language.
Other then that–idk–seek places with lots of Lesbians. Clubs kinda suck for meeting women, buy I recently had some good luck at a speed dating event.
I cry inside, because they remind me of my ex-who-is-straight-but-was-Elegy-sexual-at-the-time wholooks like the most lesbian of lesbians you ever did see, if only she had gotten tats as well. Run on sentence aside…. Just hit on them anyway![?]
My issue is I have a crush on this really, really cute Asian girl who is probably five years my senior and therefore ahead of the game(I am guessing because everyone in my area seems to look a minimum of five years younger than their age) and works at a little drugstore not too far away. My goodness, she is cute! But, she’s probably straight. The only marker that she may not be straight is that she has her hair clipped to about chin length, but then again my other friend said that’s also a regular Asian girl haircut. I’m left with nothing. D: Oh well, at least I get to harmlessly flirt with her.
I’ve been noticing this more this year than ever. I think it’s because at the east coast university that I’m in (almost done with), hipsters are really, really in. There’s hipster girls everywhere. These hipster girls ALL look gay. And then they all have hipster boyfriends. And little me who trusts my gaydar greatly is perturbed. I don’t know how the single girls do it…I’d get so confused!
I feel so prejudiced and territorial, but I’m like, “straight and mostly straight girls: stop looking so damn gay! You’re throwing off my groove!” Grah! The only ones I’m used to are the equestrians (usually on the western end, lol), hence the “is she a lesbian, or is she an equestrian?” I don’t want to have to keep asking “is she a lesbian, or is she a hipster?” And of course, there is the “both” scernario, which is even odder. Le sigh!
Argh, don’t get me started on Trader Joe’s chicks. Can hipsters and art students just stop dressing like lesbians, please? Let’s have some order here!
I’m new at this, but I think I’ve got it all figured out by the energy and eye contact. But who am I fooling? The eye contact is probably just a result of her trying to figure out why this straight-looking woman in being so friendly.
Oh, and thanks for the pic. Nice.
I constantly see very OMG hot butch looking girls (my heart melts) who are TOTALLY straight (my heart “breaks”-well not really that dramatic since I don’t even know her lol). So I never flirt or do anything about it when I see a hot girl who I find attractive (my heart hides). It’s ok – everything works on in the end, but in the mean time it sure would be wonderful if there was some way, some magic crystal ball to know with 100% certainty that that hotty is or is not gay. 🙂 (Then on the other hand when people look at me they have absolutely no idea that I am not straight so I guess this mystery guessing game can go both ways.)
(And OMG Sasha you have a knack for finding the best pics!! I mean hello!! 🙂 me like 🙂 lol)
Jaz- flirt with them anyway! If you aren’t looking for anything but a little bit of fun; I say everyone should flirt harmlessly some more! It’s good for the body to feel that surge of energy.
Elegy You’re right- I just get REALLY shy.
Kenda You and I have the same taste in women it seems. 🙂 (I also agree with you on your fav girl comment in the post under “pic of week”.)
Elegy- 🙂 With what you wrote above I just had to (for fun) add a side note to you that the girl I have always refer to as Crush is Asian and OMG is she hot. 🙂 (She has long hair and no tatoos and she’s “straight” -well is you’ve read my blog etc……sort of straight. hehe.)
Sasha – Great post. 🙂
My Gaydar is so bad I can’t even figure out who is gay and who is an ally at my school’s LGBT group!
LOL, Jaz! I swear this one is such a cutie, and very sweet! If I was in a better way, I would probably ask her when she’s going to ask me out. ;P One of these days, I’m going to walk into that store and -not- look straight as hell (what’s up with that?). Oh! And our hands touched when she handed me my change (big whoop, I know, but for someone who is usually anti-touching, and is also crushing it’s a big deal lol).
Resonance, if it’s any consolation, there was this one girl at my school’s GSA that looked SO very gay, that I pegged her prior to even seeing her at said meeting; turns out she was the only one there that identified as straight, and had a boyfriend.
This has happened to me a lot, although I don’t do the flirting part I’m a little too shy, although I have done it once or twice. There are apparently a lot of lesbian lookalike straight girls in my town. It’s rather disappointing but hell they’re still fun to look at. You know unless they catch you looking their way and make you feel like a creepy stalker, at which point I just smile and walk away with very little of my dignity in tact. It sucks being single. Haha.
Oh how I adore girls with tattoos.
Hi Jazi, Yes, we do seem to have the same taste. Although these last two pics surprised me because I usually gravitate toward butches.
So, the comments have me wondering why we are so afraid of having our flirtatious offerings land on a heterosexual. Guys have no problem hitting on us. I don’t think they’re worried that we’re not straight. And I don’t think they’d take it personally if they found out we weren’t. If you flirt with a lesbian and the enthusiasm is not returned, why is that less of a horror than being turned down by a straight person because you’re gay? The especially adverse reaction we might get from a straight woman being hit on by a lesbian is really coming out of her own homophobia. So aren’t we kind of buying into that? I mean, if she shows disgust, isn’t that her problem? Why do we have to make it ours?
Elegy – Love the term Elegy-sexual. Haha.
That was my “It’s okay to flirt” pep talk to self.
Kenda- Your comment brings up many excellent points and was very well written-you should have a blog 🙂 I would read it for sure. And yes I am usually ONLY attracted to butch and androgonus (spelling??) looking women. OMG those 2 looks in women completely melt my heart so yeah I was surprised at the photos too because minus Crush I am never attracted to fem looking women (though she is more “sporty” looking). Happy weekend.
In my book, a little harmless light flirting is good for the soul… perks up everyone’s day… and ego! I’ll flirt whether straight or lesbian, femme or butch (well soft-butch anyway, otherwise it’s more of a bro thing). When I was single, the flirting might get a little more intense depending on the response… and the gal.
Of course, being Southern doesn’t hurt either. I’m the type that can get by with calling everyone from the ultra-straight, homophobic administrative assistant to the hard-nosed butch manager “Hon” or “Darlin'”. Working in an auto plant, the odds are in my favor anyway!
When I still lived in the south, it used to happen to me with teenage boys and cranky housewives with short haircuts.
In WeHo I constantly get excited seeing an approaching asymmetrical haircut and tattoos and then… gay man! Which is considerably less creepy than having it be an underage pubescent boy. But still. 🙂
xo!
@ Jaz – Thank you. Hope you had a great weekend.
Squeek! OMG! I know what you mean! I feel like such a creeper when I’m at the gym and see a lean, muscular body with a cropped hair cut and hope, and imagine that there is a beautiful butch who actually works out before my eyes (I don’t think it’s common in my area). Then! Turn around, my little hope is methodically squashed by a male who keeps himself fit, but not bulky. I don’t have to worry about the underage part.
@Resonance if my high school GSA was anything to go by they’re all gay-or at least bi. The whole ally thing is mostly a cover for queers who are not ready to come out yet.
Since I read this I have been seeing this happen absolutely everywhere!! lol Then I saw an incredibly HOT butch looking girl at a local resturant and then her……..girlfriend walked up and joined her. hehe 🙂 So thankfully there is still hope that some people who do look gay actually are. Well (unfortunately) there’s no hope with that (very) hot butch since she was taken. lol
Note of clarification my “….” above was just meant as a drumroll 🙂 lol I am not a Bitter Betty lol using … to censor myself. LOL
I have given up and relegated
myself to perpetual singledom and never meeting new friends
Too weird, too frustrating (heavy sigh)
I take the approach that all girls are possibly gay ones…they just don’t know it yet. The group that confuses me the most, are the soccer moms with bad style that also could be older lesbians…I mention my partner, and when they don’t bat an eye or seem particularly interested – either they’ve got hetero-guilt or are gay themselves.
Not every queer-looking girl with a husband and kids is straight — or monogamous. Some of us are bi and poly. Just sayin’…puh-lease, any interested ladies, I’m actually *trying* to ping your gaydar, so go ahead and hit on me!
There is a butch looking woman I see at my grocery store. I always smile at her. She doesn’t have a clue that I am even there. It truly sucks to be invisable. Sometimes my gaydar is correct, of course her gf/wife is there. Dating and meeting women was easier in the 80’s. I was younger then.
I hate the strait tomboys >.< I end up flirting with them and it makes them uncomfortable. They are pretty common around where I live and I only know of a few confirmed lesbians and a handful of bi's. Strait girls need to look more strait XD