Self-Partnered Lesbians
I’m sure you’ve all heard the new term, ‘Self-Partnered’ recently made popular by Emma Watson when she used that as her preferred term over ‘single’ to describe her lifestyle. Of course some people scoffed at this, but it made me think about the LGBTQ community, and how many people I know in it that are ‘self-partnered’ too. They’ve just never used that term, but maybe they should.
Here’s why.
I have a couple dear friends, that I have known for many years now. They are both single, one is the cutest gay boy you’ll ever meet. The other is a very hot butch that used to be my main friend that I would drag around to the Abbey, Ripples and oh yea the Suites back in the day. (Gay bars in WeHo & Long Beach for those out of town). She has always been one of the best catches I know and in my opinion could have anyone she wanted. Yet, she has remained single for most of the years that I’ve known her. Which I’ve never been able to figure out other then it must be her choice. The same goes for my gay guy friend, he’s a total package yet he has been single the ENTIRE time I’ve known him which is over ten years now.
When I heard the term ‘Self-Partnered’ those two friends immediately came to mind and when I heard a little bit more about why Watson preferred that term, it made me feel bad. I felt bad when I thought back on past interactions with both of these single friends and how many times I’ve asked them about who they’re dating and bugged them about getting out there more. I mean, who did I think I was? How annoying that must have been for them. They could totally have told me to stuff it and I would have, but they’re both the sweet types that would never do that. So over the years, I think I’ve probably accidentally and well-intentioned yet misguidedly, harassed my ‘single’ friends about dating. But if at any point they would have told me they were ‘self-partnered’ I would have dropped the topic of dating and just moved on.
It’s weird, but the term ‘Self-Partnered’ just has a different vibe to it. For example, when I hear someone is ‘single’ I sort of assume that they’re looking for their person. ‘Single’ in today’s society has a sort of transitory feel to it, since coupledom seems to be the norm. But the term ‘Self-Partnered’ sounds like a choice and a commitment, to one’s self. It sounds thought out and purposeful. It sounds nice, like that person is complete and happy on their own and simply doesn’t feel the need for a partner. That could change later, or it might never. But marriages don’t always last forever either. So, if my friends ever tell me they are ‘Self-Partnered’ I’ll congratulate them and ask them if they’re registered anywhere.
The other part to this is that, is that I wonder if there would be more ‘Self-Partnered’ people in the LGBTQ community then the straight community? Because most of my gay friends are single. Most of my straight friends are married. What’s that about? Is ‘Self-Partnering’ the new U-Haul relationship for lesbians? Except now you don’t have to fight for closet space.
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