Politically Incorrect Labels: My favorite!
What’s in a label?
Not much. Or a hell of a lot, depending on how you feel about it. I really am a “live and let live” kind of girl. As Leslie just pointed out in her recent comment, “…here are a lot of strict labels floating around. Labels such as femme, butch, lesbian, bisexual, etc. What about us pansexuals, genderqueers, androgynous, transgender, sexually fluid (etc) folks who may cross such labels?”
Well to all of my fellow travelers who cross, defy and rebel against being confined by any label at all, I say “Good for you!” I totally respect that and think that everyone else should respect anyway you chose to identify yourself.
As for myself, I sort of like labels. I know that may not be politically correct but it’s the truth. I like feeling like I fit in somewhere, even if it’s as arbitrary as calling myself a “femme.” I mean really, this has more to do with how I relate to the person I’m dating then anything else. It doesn’t really have anything to do with the rest of my life. It’s convenient for me to refer to myself as simply “femme” and all that implies and let others take it or leave it.
While I was single, identifying as femme helped other women know whether or not they wanted to date me. That label saved them a lot of time. While some lesbians only date femmes, some avoid them like the plague because they’re too much trouble. I could literally write an entire treatise on my personal definition of what it means to be femme. But for every person that agreed with me, there would be two that didn’t.
So yes, I admit labels are arbitrary, confining, subjective and sometimes just downright useless. But for me, they tend to be time savers, organizational tools, adjectives and sometimes even fun.
As for using labels to identify others: this is very helpful when navigating the lesbian world, at least it has proven to be for me. Because a single word such as sporty, butch, femme, bi, etc. can give me at least a little hint into how NOT to step on any toes.
OK follow my logic. Say I meet a woman who identifies herself as stone butch. Good information for me to have so that I don’t insult her by trying to play her role. Or trying to make the first move. Or opening a door for her. You get my point. All of this I had to learn through personal trial and error. But now, when I know someone identifies like that or I can see all the signs that tell me they might, I behave accordingly.
Now I can see it already. An email box full of angry emails from butches telling me they love it when a girl makes the first move, or they don’t mind if someone opens the door for them. I can also predict at least a few, well written, well thought out letters telling me how sad it is that I alter my behavior to fit into a binary gender role, even if that binary is butch/femme. But to all of those I say in advance, I can only write about my own life and that’s what I do. If it doesn’t fit your experience, that’s ok. I never claimed it would.
So last but not least, to Leslie:
Yes, I use labels a lot. Maybe if I could post pictures or video of the people I write about I wouldn’t have to as much. But right now, when I describe a girl as butch or femme, it’s easier for you to picture them …. their energy, how they move through life and relate to the world around them. I know it’s not original, it’s the antithesis of that, it’s stereotypical. But that’s where the comfort in it comes in, however politically incorrect that may be.
However know this, I am totally open to any label or label-free identity you or anyone else chooses. And I will do anything I can do to do my part in making this world a safer, non-judgmental place for all of us.
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I agree that labels are timesavers. If you’re posting an ad on craigslist or you’re trying to describe a lesbian to another lesbian to set her up on a blind date, it’s a waste of time *not* to use labels. Many lesbians are not attracted to feminine women and many are not attracted to masculine women. It’s primal; we cannot control that preference. If someone doesn’t pass muster on the femininity/masculinity scale, it doesn’t matter how smart, well-dressed, educated, financially secure, kind–and so on and so forth–they are.
Well written post.
Miscellaneous.
I understand where you’re going with this Sasha. When I saw you in the bookstore, standing there with your long wavy hair falling down past the middle of your back, and your soft lips perfectly accented with lip gloss and omg the way you smelled! You smelled like something really good to eat on a hot summer’s day. All of that and more, was screaming FEMME. It was also the way you walked and the way you talk. There’s something so feminine about you, it’s like a beacon you put out and it makes people want to take care of you and make you happy. I don’t usually offer buy strangers books or anything else their little heart by desire for that matter but I couldn’t help myself. What’s even more rare is a girl that turns down free stuff! LOL.
Nice blog. I def fall into the butch category. But not stone. Just butch.
Maggie, don’t think the picture I found for this blog didn’t conjure up memories of you …. I even remembered the first time I heard you explain what it meant to you.
Damn “Sasha” if I knew all you wanted was dinner parties and books …
Seriously tho, call me and I’ll plan a little dinner party for you and some of your, um … old “friends” from krav. I promise it will be an interesting night, hahaha.
I don’t think you need to call yourself femme. Your whole body, demeanor and everything about you SCREAMS it.
As soon as I met you at the Broadway you were giving me this, “save me, help me” vibe. Which is pretty hot. I was NOT complaining.
How bout this 4 a label: I wanna fuck you and treat you right. You know who this is, Call me so I can make all your dreams come true. Come on J you know you want me.
I just wrote about labels in my blog today too.
Your post is EXTREMELY well-written. Nicely done.
-Syd
http://www.lezzbuzz.com
and then there’s those of us who label ourselves ‘futch’ or in my case, ‘bemme’ or “bumme’?? lol
i’m fairly butch with some mild femme qualities that are not always immediately recongnizable upon sight…it took a very long time to stop being ostracized by the gay community based on my ‘girly’ looks like my curly blonde hair, my sexy tits and body curves yet i identify more on the butch side…so, does that make me less butch because of the physical traits i have??? it’s still confusing to this old girl, really it is…but whether you label yourself or not, just be happy with who you are and fuck the opinions of others 😉
nice post. thanks.