Lesbian Dating 101: Who Pays?

Who pays on a lesbian date? That is a recurring question from many readers over many years and I can see why, because the answer isn’t ever easy. Let’s take a look at some “rules” and decide which ones to break.

1.Whoever is the one to ask the other one on the date, pays.

This is my favorite one and the one that makes the most sense to me, in every situation.

But there are some possible complications:

What if it’s a femme that asks a butch out? Does the femme still pay?

YES.

Unless, the person you are on a date with INSISTS on picking up the check, then let them. But if you asked, you really should try to pay. But don’t try so hard that it becomes this awkward moment that steps on her chivalrous moment. Try to read them, if they’re just offering because they’re butch or tomboy and they feel it’s expected of them, then YOU pay. Refer to the first rule, you asked her out, YOU pay.

That goes for anyone really. Femme, Butch, Tomboy, Trans, Non-Binary, Gay, you get the point. It’s just polite to pay if you asked them out. Period.

2. You can go dutch, as in you both pay for your own half of the date.

But to be honest, this is my least favorite because it’s the least romantic. But to be fair, it’s literally the most fair. But like I said, don’t be surprised if your date, while agrees to go dutch, might be turned off by the platonic vibe splitting the check gives.

Another issue with going dutch is that if you asked her out and then you ask her to pay her half of the date, it’s like you asked her to pay to go out with you when it wasn’t even her idea to begin with. See how not romantic this option is? I guess this works if you both simultaneously decide to go out with each other. Lesbians are notoriously bad at asking girls out on proper dates, so who knows, it could happen. In a super awkward but cute moment, I’m sure.

3. Whoever makes the most money pays.

This is not really a good rule to go by at all. Because if it’s a first date, always go by Rule #1. Even if you ask Kylie Jenner out, you still pay. In fact, every time you are the asker, you pay.

This is where roles comes in and why this is complicated. Because even when lesbians don’t identify as more femme or more masculine, there is usually a natural role each girl will play in the relationship. One being more masculine or dominant. The other more on the feminine side of things. And then within the dynamics of the two people, it will just sort of naturally come out, who’s the one that pays more often. Yes there are those very balanced, androgynous people who date very similar types, we call that ‘twinning’ who will disagree with me, but I’m not saying this is a 100% of the time, but very common.

4. Neither one of you pays.

I know this sounds crazy, but it is possible to have a free date. Ok, maybe not free FREE but there are options.

For example a picnic is something that you can pack before you pick her up. It can be as simple as sandwiches you grab before you pick her up. Thereby avoiding the awkward moment of who pays for anything. You take care of everything before hand. Pick her up and take her somewhere pretty, like a park. Seriously, you’d be surprised how many girls like picnics. It’s a perfect time for you two to be alone-ish while still in public. It’s during the day, so you both have an out if the date isn’t going well. And besides sandwiches and gas money, it’s as free as it gets. Get creative, there are lots of almost free things you can do to spend time together and just avoid the money topic until you both know each other better.

One more little bit of advice about the free dates. If all you can afford are the free type of dates but that’s not enough for her? She’s not the one, move on. But then also, maybe work on your career more and girls less. When you put yourself in the best possible position you can in life, you open yourself up to a world of new opportunities and new women as well. So even if you can’t afford the girl of your dreams now, use it as motivation to get to a place where you can.

What are your rules on who pays on a date?

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