Gay or Lesbian?
What is the big difference between the terms “lesbian” and “gay” and why do some of us outright demand to be called one over the other?
I always thought that they were rather interchangeable until my aunt told me that two of her best gay girl friends get mad if she calls them gay. “They’re not gay, they’re lesbians. I can’t keep up with you girls.” Was all my aunt had to say on the topic. I however had even less to say since I had never come across such adamant disapproval of the term “gay.”
Then while reading some other blogs and comments, I saw repeatedly, various women that insisted they be called one or the other but not both.
Really?
What is the big deal? Other then when you say, “gay” you could be referring to either a guy or girl. While “lesbian” is always referencing a female. So except for that difference, I don’t see any reason to get upset over being called “gay” because I am soooooo gay. There are plenty of nights, that I’ll do something and my girlfriend will tap me on the head and say, “You’re SOOOOOO gay.” Then smile and say, “Continue with what you were just doing.” 😉
But I also don’t mind being called a lesbian. Shoot, you could call me a dyke and I’d say, “Thank you for being so observant. Too many people get that wrong.”
But what’s your opinion on this?
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Sasha, you are so comfortable with who you are, it is refreshing. I, for one, don’t care for labels much. It’s idealistic, I know, but I prefer to think of people, any one, as human. I don’t think people should be defined by their sexuality, although I do see the benefit of making that distinction. I look forward to a world where being either straight or gay is just as normal as the other. I can understand people might have developed strong feelings about how they choose to identify. I’ve never thought Lesbian was an appealing word. When you think about the exotic island of Lesbos, however, it starts to seem more attractive. Collectively, genders aside, I think “gay” is happy word, and all purpose. Seems much less derogatory than “homo”, which always sounds like a slur to me for some reason.
Yeah I don’t get it either. I know some that really do not want to be called “lesbian” but prefer to be called gay. I don’t understand.
Personally, I’m like you . . . I don’t care and I’m just glad someone was so fucking observant.
I don’t mind gay, lesbian, or queer…However, my personal favorite is “woman in comfortable shoes”.
I really don’t mind lesbian, gay, or queer as that is how I identify. However…I don’t like being called a dyke, as I really don’t believe that is what I am. Plus, the offenders tend to use it as an insult, so that’s probably made me a little over sensitive.
See, when I hear Lesbian / Gay / whatever, in reference to other people and such, it doesn’t bother me. But when it is in reference to myself, and I go to say that I am a lesbian, it feels like a lump has stuck in my throat, and I literally have to choke it out. Yet, saying gay is as easy as pie.
Why this is, I really don’t know :o/
*Ahem* looks like I might have to steal a pic or two from YOU!!
But in reference to the blog. I don’t care which label you use, thanks for noticing!!
I sort of feel the opposite of Antonia. I prefer to say “lesbian” than “gay”. Saying I’m gay sort of weirds me out, but I don’t mind if someone uses it in reference to me, as in, “no, you can’t ask her out, she’s gay”. When I identify, I choose queer, but dyke is fine too. The only word I severely dislike is “homosexual”. Hate it.
Personally…. I go with amazing lover. Think about it…. How do I identify my sexual orientation???? Amazing lover! What better fit is there…. That is, if you can live up to the hype! As for all other labels? Not so fun, sexy or exciting!
OK, so I’ll chime in here …. I used to have this as my tag line on myspace, “If homosexual men are called gay, then homosexual women should be called ecstatic.” ….heehee 😉
Hahaha Sasha, that actually made me ‘lol’ XD
Hey . . .We’re all Homos . . .Homosapiens that is.
te he.
I just discovered your blog and it was so awesome to read this post.
Labels – I don’t like them. Never have and probably never will but I have noticed something on my journey.
I am just beginning to comes to terms with being gay. The word “gay” is like a safe word with me. In times past, to be “gay” meant you were happy, full of joy, fun. So I calling myself “gay” has this little psychological twist for me, and it is helping to ease me as I come out of my lifelong closet.
Hope that makes sense. 🙂
I’m not a huge fan of labels either, but as adjectives, they come in handy.
I like the word “gay” better than “lesbian”, but for a pretty strange reason.
I have synesthesia – a brain condition where senses get mixed up. Mine is very slight, so I see letters and numbers in colors. The color for each letter or number does not change, and I just like the colors for the letters in GAY better than I like the colors in the word LESBIAN.
G – bright green
A – red
Y – a nice orangey yellow color
but in LESBIAN, theres a black, white, an acidic yellow, a blue, grey, red, and brown respectively.
Sorry that this post has almost nothing to do with being gay.. anyone else have synesthesia?
I know it’s a little irrational, but I hate being called gay. Except in the instance you mentioned, the “you’re so gay” way. But in every other instance, people saying I’m ‘gay’ makes me uncomfortable, but ‘lesbian’ feels normal.
When I first told my best friend I was a lesbian, she kept using the word ‘gay’ to describe me & I have no idea why it bothered me so much. I’m not gay, I’m a lesbian.
I think I like ‘dyke’ the best. I know others don’t like it because it used to always be used in an offensive way, but I like the idea of taking that word back & making the word ‘dyke’ not be thought of in a bad way.
And apparently I’m the odd one here because I would definitely prefer to be called lesbian over gay.