For every label a critic

This just in: I think my mom still thinks this whole gay thing may be just a phase.

Tonight I was drinking a glass of wine and telling my mom about all the drama my friends and I seem to find ourselves in lately.  Frustrated and a little tipsy I asked, “Do you think I’ll ever get married?”

Now mind you I don’t actually believe in marriage, but sometimes singledom can get so repetitive I allow myself the momentary daydream of romantic idealization. However I wasn’t prepared for my mother’s answer which was, “I don’t know, you mean to a man right?” ……. The silence that followed was actually the evening coming to a screeching halt.

My response was simple. “If I ever marry a man, start planning my funeral because I will end up killing myself. So no mother. Not to a man. To a woman. Remember? I’m gay. I thought we’d covered that already?”

Grrrrr arghhhhhh!!!! Really? I mean how many times must I come out to this woman? I’m sure I’m not the only one with a family member in denial. But I thought she finally got it.

My chest felt heavy with the realization that I may never fully be accepted for who and what I am, not even by those closest to me. It can be frustrating to look a certain way (straight/femme) that constantly contradicts what’s inside. But I suppose most people feel that at one time or another. I’m not complaining, I’m just thinking out loud.

So I’ve come to realize a conviction that I should have been able to embrace earlier. I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks about the way I look, what they think I should be like, act like, be attracted to, date or do.

In my attempt to find a place of belonging within the lesbian community I allowed myself to be more passive than normal. I guess until now, I felt as if I were on the sidelines, just sort of taking in the scene trying to see who’s who and what goes where. Afraid of ostracizing myself anymore than I already felt, I’ve allowed myself to be somewhat bullied by some people who tend to be more vocal than I am.

But no more. I am what I am. I don’t need to constantly scream out to the world, “Hey, I’m gay! Right here people, big dyke alert!”

I hate it when my lesbian friends say, “You’re not gay enough.” or “You look too straight.” I also despise it when straight people assume it’s a phase or a trend. What on earth has given people the idea that they have the right to even have an opinion on the way other people choose to identify?

If you want to identify as a bisexual, transgender male to female lesbian than more power to you! If you want to check the “male” box on your myspace page even though you have a vagina, go for it! If you’re a closeted gay and scared to death to lose your job over coming out, than I say it’s no one’s business to try to out you. It’s your life. Be who you are. Hopefully you’re proud of who that is. But if you’re working on it, than you should be totally free to get there on your own time. Without the added pressure of fitting into anyone else’s idea of what they think your “label” should look like.

I don’t say screw labels. I kinda like them, they can even be empowering when you take it out of the world’s hands and into your own. Pick your label, make it up. Combine words and colors and feelings and decide how you want to live your life. Be brave in your choices and don’t let anyone say booo to you.

If they say “Boo”

I say, “Bite me!”

Pick your own damn label if you want or rip it out and live label free.

Me? I have many labels because one just isn’t enough.

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