Beautiful Butches?

Recently one of my lovely readers, posed a very good question for my Butch Writers. She asked:
What do adjective do butch women prefer??!?? I date rather butch girls and when I tell them they look pretty they say there is nothing pretty about me, but I do think they look pretty…but cute sounds too juvenile and handsome too manly…any help?

So like a good little femme go-between, I sent this question out to my writers and this is what they had to say.

K wrote:
Ooohhh….that’s touchy. J calls me handsome and beautiful. Its a mix. There a many beautiful men. Beautiful is good for me. Its not the most personified adjective nature is beautiful too. But not handsome.

Raye wrote:
I think most of us don’t really like being called pretty because that just doesn’t feel right to us.  We don’t purposefully do anything to make ourselves “pretty” although some of us really ARE pretty bois.  But the word “pretty” usually is in reference to something delicate and graceful.  And while some of us may be delicate on the inside we usually don’t like it pointed out …  lol umm …. I would say that words like sexy, hot, debonair, attractive, and cute are totally acceptable to most of us but I really don’t mind handsome.

My girlfriend had a problem with this whole question early on in our relationship as well.  I would usually wrinkle my nose at the word “pretty” because I am in no way delicate or graceful.  So she began calling me handsome which sounded weird to me at first but when I realized why she was using it, (trying to please me) it seemed kinda naughty and cute and I began to like it.

But I think it depends on the butchie and how comfortable she is with her masculine side.  We all have a feminine side which according to one of my trans friends, shows up more clearly to him when he is taking T-shots.  In fact many transmen find themselves attracted to butchies simply because they begin to see us as being more feminine than them.  It’s a strange phenomenon.  But I am totally cool with “handsome”.  However I think most of us loooooooove being cute.  Our boyish charm is what makes girls attracted to us most of the time so we embrace being “cute” and it is not seen as childish to most of us.

My girlfriend also says “Baby you are lookin’ finnnnnnnne tonight.”  That works too.  But a simple “oh my…” and a giggle when I walk into the room is probably my girlfriend’s favorite way of showing me I’m making her swoon.  That’s a southern thing though so you gotta pick up the Scarlet O’hara twang to get the right effect for that one.   You know if all else fails, just give her that femme “I want you” look and try to undress her before you leave to go out and she will get the idea.

For the bois side of it, LB_Boi weighs in:

Boi Town: I Like When You Call Me …
…Big Poppa. No, actually I just like that song but would feel odd if my girlfriend called me by that nickname. I personally prefer adjectives that are generally associated with the straight male population. I’ve always gotten “cute” which to me is fine.
I accept gorgeous or amazing when people compliment me on my eyes. Gay men always tell me I have a “great, nice, or fine” butt haha!

But I love when you call me …
handsome
dapper
stylish
fashionable
sharp
hot
sexy
amazing
awesome
athletic
well-dressed
suave
fine
stunning

I used to have a running joke with my previous girlfriend. If we were out shopping or heading out on a date and she used a more feminine term to describe how I looked. I would respond with, “You mean I look handsome?” And would repeat this until she laughed & said, “Yes, I’m sorry you look handsome”.
I find that it’s more my parents’ generation that struggles to find the “right” word to describe me or the way I dress. Last Easter at our early dinner my mom’s friend gave me a hug & said, “You look so, so … nice.” I could tell she was trying really hard to pick a word that wasn’t too girly or too manly. I smiled & said thank you because I knew she meant it.

Bottom line ladies, get to know your butch/boi friends & listen to the terms they use. If they never utter the word “cute” then best not to describe them that way. Better yet, just ask them. You’ll show you’re genuinely interested & want to make sure they are comfortable. I think anyone, regardless of sexual identity would appreciate that.
— LB_Boi 🙂

Sasha ringing in here now:

I asked my girlfriend Remi what she preferred because I call her beautiful all the time. While she’s “sporty” more then anything else calling her beautiful still gets a weird, embarrassed sort of reaction from her. But if I call her handsome, she looks confused and maybe even a little hurt. So I just asked her what, in her mind, is the best thing I can call her.

Her list was pretty simple: Sexy.
Sexy. Huh, I see a recurring theme here. Everyone I asked, butch, boi or sporty all had ‘sexy’ high on their list. I think it’s the genderless quality of it that’s appealing. It doesn’t explicitly imply feminine or masculine traits, but simply an appealing, universal quality that we all seek: that which turns us on. 😉

Dating several women that spanned the butch/boi spectrum I have been yelled at for calling someone beautiful, while another got teary eyed and told me I was the first to ever call her that. So I have learned that this is a very individual topic that needs to be handled with care, fellow femmes.
In my humble opinion I think being up front and honest about it is the best thing. You want to know what your butch likes to be called? Ask them! Just be prepared to call them Big Papi with a straight face if that’s what they want.

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