Butch/Femme

  I realized something disconcerting: when my love life is a disaster zone, I’m quite prolific with my writing. In all areas: blogging, work, school ... the whole sheebang. However, on the flip side, when I’m looking through rose colored glasses, freshly laid and amorous towards my girl, my creative streak takes a hit. I mentioned this to my friend, Melody, who suggested that I write a blog offering advice on how to meet ladies. What on earth gave her the idea that little old me would have anything to say on that topic?? LOL ... Ok, maybe I do. So here it goes: First of all, the most important thing I can stress here is to resist the urge to behave in any stalkery fashion whatsoever. Do not become so obsessed with the first queer girl you make eye contact with that you lose your marbles and scare the poor girl. The last thing you want to do is get served with a restraining order or on a less dramatic note, get blocked from her Facebook. Since a lot of girls I’ve known have apparently had the stalker gene let me reiterate: Do not drive by her house a hundred times. Do not stop by her work a lot unless she works at a supermarket or something and you can legitimately get away with it. And do not cyber stalk her either. Even if she doesn’t know you’re doing it, you know and nothing is more unattractive than desperation. Girls can smell it a mile away. So if you're lucky enough to score her digits, do not text stalk her either. Remember, she could just change her number and how embarrassing will that be when you run into her and she lies about having dropped her phone in the toilet or something equally absurd just to avoid giving you her new number. The main lesson here is to play it cool. You're not cool, you say? I don't care! Act like you are then hug your teddy bear and cry in private. But keep that to yourself. So keeping your self-esteem out of the stalker gutter is of the utmost importance. With that out of the way let’s move on to actually meeting your would-be stalking victim ... Oh wait, you already promised me you wouldn’t do that. So let’s just call her the future object of your affection. The first thing you need to do before you leave the house every day is turn your gaydar on. How do you do that? It’s easy.